Physician, Heal Thyself


I think tip #1 on “building circulation” should be “Don’t make an ugly-ass magazine cover that burns your eyes when you look at it.” 

I mean, I recognize that magazines like, for example, Juggs, will show boobages on the cover as a promise of the large-breasted jugfest contained inside, but perhaps this is one of those instances where rather than actually showing a real publishing executive, it might be behoovy-er to show a sort of metaphorical promise of the contents of the magazine.  Perhaps a zooming line graph showing circulation going up, Up UP and costs going DOWN Down down.  Because this particular photograph of this gentleman’s  neck wattle has put me off my lunch, and it’s only 10am.   Maybe I should put this picture on my refrigerator.

Oh, gee, I’m being mean – I’m sure I’d look the same on the cover of a magazine, which is the precise reason that I’ve never posed for the cover of a magazine.  Oh, and also no one’s asked.  That’s the other reason.

In other news, it appears that no one understands the Smucker’s slogan: “With a name like Smucker’s, it has to be good.”  Shouldn’t someone tell their marketing department?  Maybe we can suggest a replacement: “Half the contents of this jar is sugar, and the rest is yummy fruit picked by underpaid Mexican day laborers  – don’t you want that smeared on your toast for breakfast?”  Hrmmm… that won’t do…it’s a touch too long.  

That is all.


About DavisMcDavis

I'm Davis McDavis. Oprah loves me, this I know, for my TV tells me so.
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One Response to Physician, Heal Thyself

  1. actually, I think that’s a wonderful slogan for smuckers! Let’s write them a letter!
    Also, I have always firmly believe that ugly people should stay off magazine covers. Same with fat people. We have to fucking see them everywhere else, can’t they let the pretty people keep one sacred thing?

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