Abstinence Education: At Work In Louisiana

Britney Spears’ sister, Jamie Lynn Spears, is going to have a lot on her plate in the coming months – her recently-announced unexpected pregnancy, prom, her sister’s impending third marriage and/or third trip to rehab.  All sorts of things!   

She probably won’t have a moment to herself in the coming months – she’s sure to be busy buying beer and clothes for baby.  Let’s try to ease her burden by thinking of names for her child, shall we?  I’ll start us off:

Girl Names:
Vickysue Bambilynn Spears
Dannypoo Vickylynn Spears
Quelly Supreez Spears (that’s a punny one!)
Vickybambi Lynnisue Spears

Boy Names:
Joe Bob Spears
Bobby Joe Spears
Carl Nascar Spears
Billy Bob Spears
Gump Gump Spears
Cooter Spears

Now it’s YOUR turn!


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I'm Davis McDavis. Oprah loves me, this I know, for my TV tells me so.
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12 Responses to Abstinence Education: At Work In Louisiana

  1. Lady names: Crystal Spree Spears, Pop Tart Spears, Tina Zinfandel Spears.Dude names: Punchgut Hangover Spears, Abstinence Drool Spears, Harelip Bourbon Spears.

  2. A girl’s name, Tears for Spears. A boy’s name, Beer’s for Spears.

  3. Androgenous names are really the only way to go here. Bobbie Brady Spears. Toni Michaelann Spears. Christian Rights Spears. Malloney Bubble Spears.

  4. PS. Happy Birthday to Jake Gyllenhaal, whom the Blessed O has seen fit to send to us from Hollywood to be one of our Favorite Things.

  5. slapsomeone says:

    Gotta go with the old throwbacks:CrystalAmberAshleyCaitlinMadison (if you look at records [ http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/ ], this name was under the radar until 1984, which happened to be the year Darryl Hannah played a mermaid named Madison. Thanks, pop culture, for a generation of girls named Madison)DaltonZackJacobI’m sure it will be something like that, but with “creative” spellings.

  6. roarz says:

    what a fun game! i love Christian Rights Spears and Carl Nascar Spears as names!given that the Spearses hail from Louisiana, and given the family that the baby will be born into, i thought it would be fitting if the child’s name had some root in the French rendering of “piece of trash” or just “trash”, which i have been told would be “espèce d’ordures” or “ordures” respectively. therefore, i have chosen:girl’s name: L’ordures Tiffany Spearsboy’s name: Spencer Dordy Nascar Spearsdone.

  7. I don’t see Jamie Lynn going the same beef jerky and Lucky strikes white trash route as her sister. I see her more as going the “I think I’m so deep and meaningful but really I’m just 16” direction. Still white trash, but in a slightly different way.
    for a boy: Youneeque Spears
    for a girl: Starla Jasmine Spears, or Scarlette Ophelia Spears

  8. My own personal predictions are Cody for a boy and Michaela for a girl. But Michaela has to be spelled Makayla, or Mikeala, or Mikhaylahh. The other day Jason looked at my makeup case and asked if every grown woman had a dusty Caboodle in her bedroom, and I decided my new alias is Dusty Caboodle. The Spears girl can use that if she wants.
    I like to read the baby boards on the web and insult people’s name choices. This one chick was like, “should I name my daughter Ryleigh or Rylee?” and I was like, “sounds like a dog’s name!”

  9. CallMeQuell says:

    Quelly! I feel so honoured.

  10. llcooldre says:

    Well, alls I can say is at least Britney was married when she had her kids. Jamie Lynn is just a hoe.
    But it’s only a matter of time before Jamie Lynn shaves her head, too.

  11. eric says:

    Silly.  Everyone knows Cooter is a nickname, not a real name (says the guy from Louisiana with an Uncle Monkey).

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