I’ve been on vacation this week in Fort Lauderdale with Handsome Mister Goats and Handsome Mister Goats’ Blackberry, which I have nicknamed The Dark Lord. I don’t know if you are familiar with these devices, but a Blackberry is a small electronic thing that Satan poops out of his asshole that allows you to read and respond to email no matter where you are or what you are doing – driving, having dinner, or listening to me ramble on about what’s been happening lately on Lost. Anything! It was creating a little tension between us until I introduced a new rule – “no talking to me while holding or looking at the Dark Lord” – and that totally worked, and we had a fantastic time.
Remember that scene on Seinfeld when Elain grabbed George’s toupee and screamed, “I DON’T LIKE THIS THING!!!” and then threw it out the window? I was thinking of that scene a few times before I thought of my new rule.
The other neat thing about a Blackberry, aside from the fact that it’s an actual piece of demon spawn forged in the fiery pits of hell, is that they have teeny, tiny little screens, so I’m able to send email to people I that I work with, and they don’t have to look at more than the two or three words on the screen before they can immediately respond with questions that are answered lower down in the email they are responding to, thus seeming to save valuable seconds of using the scroll wheel on the revolting thing. Something that might normally take just two emails to clear up can thusly be broken into several additional question-and-answer sections as you forward each tiny bit of information to the device’s reading screen to interact with the 50% of the person’s attention that you can get while they go about the rest of their day in a zombified haze of Blackberry-induced emailing. Isn’t tech-mology amazing?
But I don’t have one of those things myself, so I actually had quite a lovely vacation, and the WiFi at the hotel was broken so I didn’t have a chance to blog with you kiddies – it was all lounging by the pool reading a concordance on Stephen King’s The Dark Tower series for me. For those of you familiar with the The Dark Tower series (Hi, Brian!), I also considered “Black 13” as a nickname, due to the similarities between “an evil magic ball that consumes all those who use its dark powers” and “a Blackberry.” Actually, there is a slight difference, though – Black 13 runs on the power of all that is evil in every universe, but you need to recharge a Blackberry.
Ooh, neat! I just looked up the hotel we stayed at so I could link to it, and realized that the adorable little man who cleaned the rooms is featured in photo #15 in the photo gallery in a bikini, which unfortunately was not his outfit when on duty. Despite the rather casual nature of the hotel, he remained fully dressed at all times. But isn’t he a cutie pie? Lawsamercy, I should have asked him for some more towels….
That is all